Mittwoch, 18. Januar 2012

What Sucks About Being Poly

Well, what do you expect after reading the caption? Jealousy? Time management issues? A big, complicated relationship drama? In that case, you're mistaken. What annoys me most about being poly at the moment isn't jealousy. As long as I feel that I can trust my lover(s), I'm usually not jealous at all. Time management is difficult but not a major problem and so far, there hasn't been any serious drama.
No, what annoys me most are the reactions of other people. Some monos who learn about my relationship are just surprised or impressed that it is working, although they usually add, that it wouldn't be for them. There are however a few people, especially women, who are trying to tell me how I'm supposed to feel. It usually goes somthing like this:

Mono-person: "Wait, he has another girlfriend and you're OK with that?"
Me: "Uhm, yeah. That's kind of the point of being poly."
MP: "I would kick his ass!"
Me: "No no, it's fine and he also knows that I have feelings for other people and is OK with that."
MP: "He is totally fucking with you!"
Me: "Didn't you just listen? It's mutual. I am very, very happy with this."
MP: "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that... He is such a bastard! You should break up with him!"
Me: "Actually, the whole poly-thing was pretty much my idea..."
MP: "You only did that because you wanted him so badly that you would sacrifice your own wishes."
Me: "..."

Now, apart from the patronizing tone, how many gender stereotypes are revealed here? Let me help you:
1) Women generally wish for monogamous (domestic?) relationships.
2) Man are evil and only interested in sleeping with as many women as possible.
3) Women are victims.
4) Women are irrational.
5) Women are self-sacrificing.
Have I forgotten anything? Let me know. Meanwhile, I'll add some more bitemarks to my tableboard.

2 Kommentare:

Loki hat gesagt…

I guess it's a personal decision if a person enters a polygamous relationship. Don't be hard on those who say they couldn't possibly cope with it, it's just their personal attitude towards it, it has nothing to do with being judgemental.

I do agree with your statement, that certain gender stereotype go with the topic. People are used to think of a monoganous, heterosexual relationship to be the most desirable form. Get over with it, if people don't have the courage to seek out the perfect relationship-type for themselves then let them be unhappy. As long as you are happy, everything is just fine :)

I hope I didn't step on your toes when you told me, but after looking at the chat-log I guess I am excluded from this rant (hopefully)... if no, then I am sorry, I didn't intend to

Moonchild hat gesagt…

Know how you feel. I've been telling my mum (who usually is very very open-minded) just yesterday about that poly guy I got to know, and her only comment was "Oh, why can't just find someone who wants you and _only_ you", and I couldn't get her to understand that that was clearly not the point. Well.
The fate of the go-aheads. :D

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