Freitag, 7. Oktober 2011

Why 'Nice Guys' Aren't Nice

Time for a little rant. This post includes some slightly personal stuff, but since none of my friends knows or will ever find out who I'm talking about, I think it's OK to post it here.
A few days ago, I had a not so good facebook-chat with somebody. We've known each other for a few years but didn't really have any contact in a while. He had an assistant job at my university and we accidentally met. Since I am spending almost all my time in the library at the moment (thanks to my bachelor thesis), we sometimes met for lunch or coffee. Until then, we got along well.
At some point, we thought it would be cool to cook dinner at his place. That's when it became a bit difficult. He tried to persuade me to have sex with him which, at first, was only annoying but made me feel extremely uncomfortable after a while. He did not force me to anything but it didn't really seem like he would take "no" for an answer. Besides, does anybody consider emotional blackmailing and begging particularly sexy? No? Surprise...
So he messaged me on facebook, and again started talking about sex and how much he wanted to sleep with me. I still wasn't interested, after the last encounter even less. The story ended with a little tantrum on his side. He said that it was unfair that I would get what I want (friendship) and he wouldn't, that it ruined his self-esteem and that he was such a poor guy in general. Although he liked me as a person, he could not be in contact with me, unless we had sex.
Sure. If he liked me that much as a person, a friendship would have been in his interest too, but oh well... Then he deleted me from his friends list. I guess I can live with that...
This story is only my last and so far most interesting encounter with boys who call themselves "nice" and "good" and claim that they respect women. The problem is, I haven't met any of these guys who didn't reveal, pretty soon, that they were either lying or deceiving themselves. It already starts with their idea of respecting women. Since they already respect women, they don't consider it necessary to get informed about feminist issues or even think about them, which of course makes them a great help in achieving gender equality. I'm not sure, but this could actually indicate, that they don't really care about women and equalty that much. To them, respecting women means not raping them or beating them up. (Although the bitches would deserve it!) It does not mean that maybe they shouldn't blame all the women in the world for not wanting to sleep with them and consequently talking about them in an extremely disrespectful way.
In the nice guys' world view, every man is a jerk except those that no one is attracted to. Women are not only guilty for those guys' virginity; they are also guilty for ending up with the bad boys who make them unhappy. Then again, they aren't because, you see, women are not the brightest. So somehow, they are just too stupid to decide what's good for them and they need a nice guy to do it for them. Since they are also too stupid to see the incredible awesomeness of nice guys, they end up with the jerks. Yet, even though they are so stupid, they are of course the ones to be blamed for this. Once I even heard somebody, who was beaten by his father when he was child, blame only the mother for it. Not for not interfering, but for choosing the wrong man.
In any case, it is of course always the woman who causes their problems. Even though their self-esteem is probably really low, nice guys don't even seem to consider, that maybe their behaviour and how they talk about women might be the reason. Begging every girl who happens to smile at them to save them from the horrible fate of the 30 years old virgin, won't get them anywhere. I think most women don't find it particularly attractive when a guy apparently wants nothing but get into their pants but then isn't very selective about whose pants. The "I just want somebody to fuck me"-approach isn't very helpful. Nor is it respectful.
So if any of those nice guys are reading this: Try to see women as actual persons and ignore their breasts for a while. No, that won't necessarily get you laid. It will however make you less of a jerk.

5 Kommentare:

Anonym hat gesagt…

Oh, I know this situation so very well, but with a guy that I've actually known for ages.

The good thing is that I dont see him very often at the moment, but the bad thing is that it's really hard for me to hurt his feelings, as he once helped me trhough a really bad time and I don't want to just break off the friendship. :/

So instead I try avoiding to be alone with him, which actually doesn't make the problem go away.

Loreia Lunatic hat gesagt…

Men who beg are just pathetic. Uargs!

Loki hat gesagt…

Well this is a slightly harsh example and there are truly nice men about. They just don't get recognised in the first place.
On the other hand I know one person who is 100% like the fellow you mentioned and I deeply despise him for his hypocrisy when it comes to women. I deeply hope you will settle the case with this git to your favours and simply move on.

Anonym hat gesagt…

Beeing a "nice Jerk" works quite good. To be confident, challenge her, even being a little bit rude some time. But not in a nasty way.
I agreee with loreia. Women can´t stand begging men.

Faye hat gesagt…

I don't think, begging will make anyone more attractive, neither men nor women. ^^

@Loki: I know loads of guys who are genuinely nice and I never heard one of them call himself a nice guy or complain about not getting laid. ^^
This post really isn't about those people, it's about those who call themselves nice but are really sexist. I think they are even worse than men who are openly sexist. You can't even criticize them because then they'll imediatly start to sulk and act as if you had compared them to Hitler.

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